Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
