I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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