Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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