if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bring me that man meat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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