I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
