i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
