I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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