just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
