I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
