mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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