hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
