The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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