The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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