I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
