Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
