just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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