dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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