she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
