wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
