Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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