oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
