i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
