im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
