Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
