My nipple is on Facebook.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
