Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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