its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
