I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
