I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
