That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
