You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
