I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
