god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
