hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
