Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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