i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
