everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
