i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
