the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
