I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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