do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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