Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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