the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Randomize
