I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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