He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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