listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
