I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
