He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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