We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
