Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
