listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
