Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
